


alone

by hosiescorp



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Death, F/M, Ok bye, as you can see i'm on my period, has nothing to do with the story, i love writing about death, im weird, just some angsty fanfic to cry about while bleeding, maybe cause i want death, sorry for getting dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:14:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29777367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hosiescorp/pseuds/hosiescorp
Summary: how barry feels every time someone he loves dies.
Relationships: Barry Allen & Eddie Thawne, Barry Allen & Henry Allen, Barry Allen & Nora Allen, Barry Allen & Oliver Queen, Barry Allen & Ronnie Raymond, Barry Allen/Earth-19 Harrison "HR" Wells, Barry Allen/Earth-2 Harrison "Harry" Wells, Barry Allen/Eobard Thawne, Barry Allen/Leonard Snart
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	alone

death:  
the action or fact of dying or being killed; the end of the life of a person

we don't know why death happens, why people are taken from us so early. they just are. 

barry learns what death is like at 11, watching his mother die in front of him, up until then death had been a fantasy to him. even when his grandmother died, he assumed she was in some imaginary land. 

he's sent to the west home and he can't feel anything but pain at watching joe and iris interact. he wished he could have that interaction with his own father again, but knows he can't. 

the first time he breaks is the night after he gets to the west home. he sits on the couch, alone just remembering all his memories with his mother. that's when he breaks, he knows he's never going to see her again. all of a sudden, iris is there, holding him while he cries. he likes it, it feels like a mother's embrace. but he knows it's not. 

eddie dies and barry isn't sure how to feel about that. he had the feeling eddie never liked him, was jealous of his and iris friendship. but no matter, he never wanted the man to die. so it's a shock when he shoots himself, to stop the man who tormented barry. iris is broken, of course, she and him had dated even if their relationship was messy, she still cared about him. 

speaking of the man who tormented barry, he dies next and barry savors the memory. it's satisfying watching the man who murdered his mother die, fade away from existence. he just so wished it could have been him that ended eobard. 

ronnie dies and barry hates that he failed caitlin and stein. hates that he failed ronnie. he and caitlin had just gotten married, he didn't deserve this. it was then barry began to wish it was him instead. 

almost a year after getting his dad free, he's murdered. the same place his mother was murdered and barry just snaps. he doesn't care anymore, he begs for hunter to kill him, to take his life like he had taken his father. but hunter's face is full of glee, he's happy to see barry hurt, to see barry beg for death. zoom speeds away as barry falls to the ground sobbing. 

snart dies and barry doesn't know until ray tells him during the dominators attack. he feels heartbroken but glad to know snart was a hero, a legend, until the end. barry remembers their first meeting and he smiles. snart changed so much, and barry was proud. 

he thinks iris is dead, until she pulls out HR's device. her face forms into HR's and he hears tracy's sob from behind him. barry can't hear her begging for hr to stay awake, he just focuses on iris, where she was. until he's snapped out of it by HR. "BA?" hr's voice is small, so unlike the loud voice he usually held. "i'm here." barry replies and he generally feels his heart break as hr tells him to tell cisco something. 

when cisco says that earth 2 is gone, barry feels another part of himself rip in 2. both harry and jesse were gone. team flash were never going to see jesse training in the speed lab, going on missions with barry. they were never going to see harry, who had just gotten his intelligence back, throw stuff whenever he was mad, they were never going to see their family in every way but blood ever again. 

he doesn't think he can handle any more death, but then oliver dies. for real this time. and barry just openly sobs onto the man's chest as he takes his last breath. he hates this, he hates feeling so damn useless whenever someone he loves dies. after oliver dies, he blames himself, he wishes it was him instead, that if oliver had never made that deal with the monitor then he would still be alive. 

when barry thinks about all the pain, all the people he's lost, he's always wondered how it felt, dying. now he was finally getting to know, to be with the ones he loved and had lost. he was finally going to be happy again.

**Author's Note:**

> the way writing about both harry and oliver made me sob for 15 minutes and my mum walked in asking what's wrong so i lied, anyways love that. anyways bye.


End file.
